IDENTIFYING THE INFLUENCES

Jesus tells us that He is our example (Jn. 13:15). As we read the Gospels we have the opportunity to observe, through the eyes of the evangelists, the life, teaching, practices and character of Christ. If we grew up in a Christian home and attended church we had the opportunity to become immersed in the life of Christ. Through Sunday school, Bible classes, home/family devotions, sermons, personal Bible study, and so forth, we have been impacted by the powerful example of Christ. As a believer we also have the privilege of having the Spirit of Christ alive within us.

The influence, inspiration, and incarnation of Christ can all come together to create in us a model of leadership that reflects that of Christ Himself. If Jesus was the only influence in our lives with respect to a model for leadership we would be well served. However, we all know that there are many other influences, the most primal and perhaps the most powerful being that of our parents. Study after study of human behavior come to the undeniable conclusion that each of us is shaped, influenced, and impacted by our family of origin. Leadership qualities are often formed through things like birth order, our relationship with our parents, how authority was exercised in the home, and how leadership roles were addressed by our parents.

Strong willed and confident parents often raise children who are strong willed and confident. Parents who are easily intimidated or socially withdrawn often see the same behavior reflected in their children. So as a leader it is often helpful to take the time to reflect upon the major influences on our life and how they have affected our leadership paradigms. For example, I once heard an interview with Ted Turner talking about how he never felt affirmed by his father and that nothing was ever quite good enough to please him. So this relationship drove Turner, and perhaps continues to drive Turner, to try to be the best and to gain approval and affirmation for his success. The influence of his father continues to live long after his father has passed away.

I think this kind of reflection upon role models of leadership in our life is important because we often act in ways that are the direct result of those influences. Sometimes we act instinctually, without analysis or reason simply as a result of how we have been “programmed” by the people who have influence our lives. I often see this in marriage counseling with couples who don’t understand that they came into their marriage with expectations for their spouse that were formed in their family of origin. The problem is that the other spouse was raised in a different family and he or she comes with their own expectations from their family of origin. Often, the result is years of misunderstanding and frustration until they are willing to sit down and talk about this and reflect upon those expectations and evaluate the rational for their actions.

For example, I pretty much grew up in a single parent home. When I was a toddler and young child my father was in the Air Force spending time in Vietnam and later was in Germany while we lived in the States. My mother took charge and was very protective of my sister and me. When my father retired from the military and we moved to West Virginia it was difficult for her to relinquish her assertive role as the leader of the family. My father was a quiet man who seemed content to allow my mother to handle all the correction of the children, manage the family finances, as well as function as the spiritual leader of the home. She was outgoing in public and yet very concerned about how she was perceived by others.

Eventually, my father left our home, had an affair, divorced my mother and deserted our family. In fact, for the past thirty years I had not seen my father until this past December (2005) when I tracked him down to a veterans nursing home in Louisiana. I loaded my family into our mini van and we drove down to see him. He was now 73 years old and when I walked into the room I did not recognize him. Interestingly, he seemed obsessed with my mother and with blaming her for all his bad choices.

These are my two earliest role models and as such they influenced my leadership paradigm. If I allowed the worst of these influences to dominate I would be an overbearing dogmatist who blamed others for my mistakes and who, while seeking public approval, lived in fear of rejection. Or I could take the best qualities and be an independent thinker who is not afraid to take charge, who is socially aware of how others feel and who is a comfortable delegating responsibility to others.

In fact, few of us end up with only the positive or the negative influences, but the result is often a combination. The challenge for the leader to is to recognize his or her weaknesses and to maximize our strengths. I recently took a leadership assessment test which pegged me as a combination of being someone who leads primarily by inspiration and secondarily by drive. On a DISC temperamental analysis test this is a DI personality temperament. As such, I have to guard against becoming too competitive or domineering and to maximize the enthusiastic and persuasive qualities of my temperament.

I can look at my mother and see that she has been the major influence and after evaluating myself in light of that influence I am grateful for the sense of humor and outgoing personality she instilled, but I have had to overcome fear of rejection and, as such, the temptation to do only what is popular. We cannot simply dismiss the models that have been instilled, but we can recognize and maximize. Recognize our weaknesses and maximize our strengths. Furthermore, as we grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, we can take on more and more of His persona, of His influence and inspiration as we grow as an individual and as a leader.