I recently read a book entitled The Abilene Paradox in which the author tells about an experience he had with his family. He and his wife were visiting his in-laws and just enjoying the moment sitting on the porch of his father-in-law's south Texas home and sipping lemonade. Apparently his father-in-law thought they were bored so he suggested that they drive to Abilene for lunch. Not wanting to offend his father-in-law the author went along with the suggestion and they all loaded into a hot car (without air-conditioning), drove for an hour down a dusty Texas road, ate a rather uninspired meal at a local greasy spoon, and then drove back home. Later, as they were talking, they realized that no one really wanted to take that trip (not even the one who suggested it), but each of them thought that it was what the others wanted. The author refers to this as "the Abilene Paradox"I would suggest that far too often churches do things, or continue to do things that are not enriching, or that may even be counter productive, simply because no one will speak up and ask if this is what we really want to do. I recently invited the congregation to discuss whether we should continue to have Sunday evening services, or if we could do something more productive (evangelistically) with that time. After much discussion there was a general, if uninspired, consensus that we should continue to have Sunday evening services.
Later, one of the staff members told me that he was frustrated that so many people had privately told him that they would like to try something different (home groups, visitation, or family enrichment) on Sunday evening, but none of those people spoke up. Sometimes we keep doing what we're doing because that's the way we've always done it and no one wants to speak up for fear of being viewed as un-spiritual, or as a dissenter.
As a leader I opened the floor, I invited radical ideas, I entertained all questions and comments, but in point of fact, we're doing what we've always done.
