Recently I was reading a massive book entitled Bass & Stogdill’s Handbook of Leadership: Theory, Research, & Managerial Applications,(the title is long, but the book is longer at over eleven hundred pages) written by Bernard M. Bass, and I was reminded of a fact that I had read in earlier research. Bass states, “In most surveys, leaders tend to give themselves in inflated evaluation in contrast to their colleague’s descriptions of their performance. . . . Concepts of the self can be perceived or actually be at variance with the outside world and affect a leader’s performance” (p. 152). I was already familiar with similar research that showed that most people believe they are better at a skill, talent, position, and so forth, than they really are.
Watching the early rounds of the American Idol television show is the most painfully clear example of this. Singer after singer steps up thinking that they are the next idol but most of them are not even average. Then, when someone like Simon is finally honest with them (someone who isn’t particularly concerned about hurting their feelings), most of these "wanna-be's" either melt into tears after coming off the stage or defiantly declare that they are as good as they thought they were, it’s just that those judges don’t know good talent when they see it.
As a pastor I often encounter people who are convinced that they are called to a particular ministry or role in the church and that they are very good at it, but in observing them I had to disagree. There is a message here for the leader as well. We must be, as all the research shows, humble enough to listen to and act upon feedback from people who feel free to be honest with us. Now, as a leader we are always the target of unfair and uninformed criticism. Some people want a teaching minister but we are more dynamic in our delivery so they criticize us. Well, Paul’s statement about being all things to all men not withstanding, we cannot be everything to everyone. I’ve told some of my critics with as much humility as I could muster, "I’m sorry you aren’t 'fed' by my ministry, but there are many other wonderful churches in the area and you might be better served to look for a place where you can be 'fed'”.
After filtering out the static of the chronic complainers, we need to listen to the people we respect. I have told the staff of the church here that they are welcome to come into my office at any time, close the door, and tell me what they really think. They can tell me if I’ve failed them, or if they see anything in my conduct or character that might reflect poorly on the church. I want honest and open feedback, but I have also warned them that if they talk about me to others in the church, if they criticize and undermine me to others instead of coming and talking to me, they may well find their employment here terminated.
I always live with the assumption that I might not be as good as my momma says I am. I might not be as good of a preacher as the people walking out the door on Sunday shaking my hand, say I am. Over the years I have worked with many young pastors (young in ministry, young and older in age) and often their zeal far surpasses their ability. I’ve also had teachers and singers come to me convinced that they were excellent in their respective roles. At one large church where I served as the Pastor of Christian Education a man came to me, handed me a business card and said, “I’m a teacher and I’d like to teach an adult class.” I didn’t know this man very well but my observation was that he did not have an engaging personality, and seemed to lack the social skills necessary to build relationships necessary for a successful class. I inquired from other staff members who had been at the church much longer than me and they immediately knew who had approached me. They said that he had a great desire to teach, and had taken classes and was apparently biblically adept, but when he was given the opportunity to teach an elective class, no one showed up. He could not get a class going and then when he was placed in an established class it dwindled down to nothing.
Somewhere, someone should have been honest enough with this man to say, “You obviously have the desire and the information to be a teacher, but your interpersonal skills are holding you back. You need to sit under a teacher who is strong in these areas and watch them as they interact with others. Or we can get together a couple times a month and I can help you, but I can’t place you in another class until then.”
The Bible tells us that we are to speak the truth in love. I once had a young man who was a pretty good preacher, but he couldn’t carry a tune in the proverbial bushel basket. However, before he preached he liked to sing a special song (special to him but not anyone else). Once, when he got up and began to sing, the teenagers laughed out loud. They thought he was trying to be funny. Finally, some of the people came to me, the pastor, and told me that it was my responsibility to tell this young minister that he was doing more damage than good by trying to sing before he spoke. Because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings I was reluctant, but eventually I broached the subject with him and he said that he already knew he couldn’t carry a tune, but he liked to make a joyful noise. I suggested that he do this at home in the shower rather than before he spoke.
We face this repeatedly in leadership. There are people who think they are ready for the promotion, but we can clearly see that they are not. We have people in positions that they are not effective in and yet we are reluctant to tell the truth in love. This is particularly difficult in the church because we have an obligation to minister to staff members as much as we do to church members and so we often just hope for the best while they flounder and those under them suffer. As leaders we either have to offer training, mentoring, and feedback, and if these don't work we have to make the change.
At the same time we must consider the very real possibility that we need to address issues in our own leadership strengths and weaknesses. Do we really know ourselves? I have always been struck by the fact that when Jesus told the disciples during the Last Supper that one of them would betray Him, they began to ask, “Is it I?” Didn’t they know themselves well enough to answer that question for themselves?
In contrast, Jesus knew who He was, where He came from, and what He had been sent to do. In John 8:14-18, Jesus answers the criticism of the Pharisees with these words:
14 Even if I testify on my own behalf, my testimony is valid, for I know where I came from and where I am going. But you have no idea where I come from or where I am going. 15 You judge by human standards; I pass judgment on no one. 16 But if I do judge, my decisions are right, because I am not alone. I stand with the Father, who sent me. 17 In your own Law it is written that the testimony of two men is valid. 18 I am one who testifies for myself; my other witness is the Father, who sent me. NIV
Jesus knew who He was and while He was humble and meek, He was neither weak nor intimidated by others. Neither their criticism nor their praise deterred Him from being who He was and doing what He had been sent by the Father to do. His example is that we need to know who we really are, our strengths and weaknesses, know what we have been called to do, and then do it. We will have our own Pharisees who will only criticize, and we will have our fans who only cheer us on, but we need honest and loving feedback from people we respect and who care about us. If you don’t have someone in your life like that then find one.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
IDENTIFYING THE INFLUENCES
Jesus tells us that He is our example (Jn. 13:15). As we read the Gospels we have the opportunity to observe, through the eyes of the evangelists, the life, teaching, practices and character of Christ. If we grew up in a Christian home and attended church we had the opportunity to become immersed in the life of Christ. Through Sunday school, Bible classes, home/family devotions, sermons, personal Bible study, and so forth, we have been impacted by the powerful example of Christ. As a believer we also have the privilege of having the Spirit of Christ alive within us.
The influence, inspiration, and incarnation of Christ can all come together to create in us a model of leadership that reflects that of Christ Himself. If Jesus was the only influence in our lives with respect to a model for leadership we would be well served. However, we all know that there are many other influences, the most primal and perhaps the most powerful being that of our parents. Study after study of human behavior come to the undeniable conclusion that each of us is shaped, influenced, and impacted by our family of origin. Leadership qualities are often formed through things like birth order, our relationship with our parents, how authority was exercised in the home, and how leadership roles were addressed by our parents.
Strong willed and confident parents often raise children who are strong willed and confident. Parents who are easily intimidated or socially withdrawn often see the same behavior reflected in their children. So as a leader it is often helpful to take the time to reflect upon the major influences on our life and how they have affected our leadership paradigms. For example, I once heard an interview with Ted Turner talking about how he never felt affirmed by his father and that nothing was ever quite good enough to please him. So this relationship drove Turner, and perhaps continues to drive Turner, to try to be the best and to gain approval and affirmation for his success. The influence of his father continues to live long after his father has passed away.
I think this kind of reflection upon role models of leadership in our life is important because we often act in ways that are the direct result of those influences. Sometimes we act instinctually, without analysis or reason simply as a result of how we have been “programmed” by the people who have influence our lives. I often see this in marriage counseling with couples who don’t understand that they came into their marriage with expectations for their spouse that were formed in their family of origin. The problem is that the other spouse was raised in a different family and he or she comes with their own expectations from their family of origin. Often, the result is years of misunderstanding and frustration until they are willing to sit down and talk about this and reflect upon those expectations and evaluate the rational for their actions.
For example, I pretty much grew up in a single parent home. When I was a toddler and young child my father was in the Air Force spending time in Vietnam and later was in Germany while we lived in the States. My mother took charge and was very protective of my sister and me. When my father retired from the military and we moved to West Virginia it was difficult for her to relinquish her assertive role as the leader of the family. My father was a quiet man who seemed content to allow my mother to handle all the correction of the children, manage the family finances, as well as function as the spiritual leader of the home. She was outgoing in public and yet very concerned about how she was perceived by others.
Eventually, my father left our home, had an affair, divorced my mother and deserted our family. In fact, for the past thirty years I had not seen my father until this past December (2005) when I tracked him down to a veterans nursing home in Louisiana. I loaded my family into our mini van and we drove down to see him. He was now 73 years old and when I walked into the room I did not recognize him. Interestingly, he seemed obsessed with my mother and with blaming her for all his bad choices.
These are my two earliest role models and as such they influenced my leadership paradigm. If I allowed the worst of these influences to dominate I would be an overbearing dogmatist who blamed others for my mistakes and who, while seeking public approval, lived in fear of rejection. Or I could take the best qualities and be an independent thinker who is not afraid to take charge, who is socially aware of how others feel and who is a comfortable delegating responsibility to others.
In fact, few of us end up with only the positive or the negative influences, but the result is often a combination. The challenge for the leader to is to recognize his or her weaknesses and to maximize our strengths. I recently took a leadership assessment test which pegged me as a combination of being someone who leads primarily by inspiration and secondarily by drive. On a DISC temperamental analysis test this is a DI personality temperament. As such, I have to guard against becoming too competitive or domineering and to maximize the enthusiastic and persuasive qualities of my temperament.
I can look at my mother and see that she has been the major influence and after evaluating myself in light of that influence I am grateful for the sense of humor and outgoing personality she instilled, but I have had to overcome fear of rejection and, as such, the temptation to do only what is popular. We cannot simply dismiss the models that have been instilled, but we can recognize and maximize. Recognize our weaknesses and maximize our strengths. Furthermore, as we grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, we can take on more and more of His persona, of His influence and inspiration as we grow as an individual and as a leader.
The influence, inspiration, and incarnation of Christ can all come together to create in us a model of leadership that reflects that of Christ Himself. If Jesus was the only influence in our lives with respect to a model for leadership we would be well served. However, we all know that there are many other influences, the most primal and perhaps the most powerful being that of our parents. Study after study of human behavior come to the undeniable conclusion that each of us is shaped, influenced, and impacted by our family of origin. Leadership qualities are often formed through things like birth order, our relationship with our parents, how authority was exercised in the home, and how leadership roles were addressed by our parents.
Strong willed and confident parents often raise children who are strong willed and confident. Parents who are easily intimidated or socially withdrawn often see the same behavior reflected in their children. So as a leader it is often helpful to take the time to reflect upon the major influences on our life and how they have affected our leadership paradigms. For example, I once heard an interview with Ted Turner talking about how he never felt affirmed by his father and that nothing was ever quite good enough to please him. So this relationship drove Turner, and perhaps continues to drive Turner, to try to be the best and to gain approval and affirmation for his success. The influence of his father continues to live long after his father has passed away.
I think this kind of reflection upon role models of leadership in our life is important because we often act in ways that are the direct result of those influences. Sometimes we act instinctually, without analysis or reason simply as a result of how we have been “programmed” by the people who have influence our lives. I often see this in marriage counseling with couples who don’t understand that they came into their marriage with expectations for their spouse that were formed in their family of origin. The problem is that the other spouse was raised in a different family and he or she comes with their own expectations from their family of origin. Often, the result is years of misunderstanding and frustration until they are willing to sit down and talk about this and reflect upon those expectations and evaluate the rational for their actions.
For example, I pretty much grew up in a single parent home. When I was a toddler and young child my father was in the Air Force spending time in Vietnam and later was in Germany while we lived in the States. My mother took charge and was very protective of my sister and me. When my father retired from the military and we moved to West Virginia it was difficult for her to relinquish her assertive role as the leader of the family. My father was a quiet man who seemed content to allow my mother to handle all the correction of the children, manage the family finances, as well as function as the spiritual leader of the home. She was outgoing in public and yet very concerned about how she was perceived by others.
Eventually, my father left our home, had an affair, divorced my mother and deserted our family. In fact, for the past thirty years I had not seen my father until this past December (2005) when I tracked him down to a veterans nursing home in Louisiana. I loaded my family into our mini van and we drove down to see him. He was now 73 years old and when I walked into the room I did not recognize him. Interestingly, he seemed obsessed with my mother and with blaming her for all his bad choices.
These are my two earliest role models and as such they influenced my leadership paradigm. If I allowed the worst of these influences to dominate I would be an overbearing dogmatist who blamed others for my mistakes and who, while seeking public approval, lived in fear of rejection. Or I could take the best qualities and be an independent thinker who is not afraid to take charge, who is socially aware of how others feel and who is a comfortable delegating responsibility to others.
In fact, few of us end up with only the positive or the negative influences, but the result is often a combination. The challenge for the leader to is to recognize his or her weaknesses and to maximize our strengths. I recently took a leadership assessment test which pegged me as a combination of being someone who leads primarily by inspiration and secondarily by drive. On a DISC temperamental analysis test this is a DI personality temperament. As such, I have to guard against becoming too competitive or domineering and to maximize the enthusiastic and persuasive qualities of my temperament.
I can look at my mother and see that she has been the major influence and after evaluating myself in light of that influence I am grateful for the sense of humor and outgoing personality she instilled, but I have had to overcome fear of rejection and, as such, the temptation to do only what is popular. We cannot simply dismiss the models that have been instilled, but we can recognize and maximize. Recognize our weaknesses and maximize our strengths. Furthermore, as we grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, we can take on more and more of His persona, of His influence and inspiration as we grow as an individual and as a leader.
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